Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
