I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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