cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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