I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
