now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
