i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
