You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
