Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
