at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
