I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He called his prostate his "boner button".
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
