During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
