but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
