God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
