Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My vagina just recognized that song.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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