I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
