you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
