she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
