they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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