I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
