You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
