He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
