My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
