a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
