apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
