I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
