Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
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