Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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