You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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