I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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