i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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