I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
