We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
