I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
