the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
