Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesnโt get them female rage will.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize
