they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
