i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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