I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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