he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
