The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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