the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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