my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
