her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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