Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.