ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot