I wish I could punch you in the face.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"