Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
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The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
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Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.