when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.