The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
