he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Terrible idea I love it
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
