How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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