I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
did you just send me my own nude
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
