My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
