just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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