ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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