u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I deserve this hangover.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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