playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
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Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
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YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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