I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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