I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
