also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
