sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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