in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
