Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
