I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
