Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
not ubering you a puppy
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
