I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You dont lie about slip and slides
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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