suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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