i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize