You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
