ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
