So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
