thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
